Korean Heroine

I'm going to strive to be more like the heroines in my Korean dramas. They are strong, passionate, and work hard to make their own way. The men just happen to fall in their lap.

Heroine 1:

 

Jang Man Ok a.k.a. Michelle Jang

She's a martial arts master and a fashionista! True, she is naive and her hair is a wild mess! But she is determined and tough and a good, caring person. She's not very good at choosing friends but she is understanding and never jumps to conclusions.

 

 

Heroine 2:

Geum Jan Di! She's a fiesty swimmer managing to hold her own in an elite private school, despite her own poverty and bad luck. She's got a good heart and a deep sense of justice. While her pride can put her in tough spots, she is none the less a role model. (plus she never diets and is a glutton).

 

Heroine 3: Go Min Nam a.k.a. Go Mi Nyu
She is the epitome of a useless heroine; clueless, clumsy, with no fighting ability. But she's smart, classy, and trust-worthy. She can seem helpless at times but her spiritual strength is amazing and her ability to love is boundless.

Heroine 4: Hwang Ji-ahn
For a headstrong designer in her mid-thirties, she has spunk! She handles an unplanned pregnancy and an unlikely romance with the baby's father better than anyone! Her career is harsh but she is unyielding. However, just before giving birth, she puts her child's needs above her own, and, having completed her own ambitious goals, settles in to a calm life with the baby's father. She's tough as nails but gorgeous and feminine. Definitely traits to have!

Heroine 5: Gong Ah-Jung.
Okay, maybe "fantastic liar" isn't a trait I should copy. But I give her props, she decided not to really get married until she was ready. She also works hard, and looks great doing it! She can be selfish and ridiclous sometimes and easily jumps to conclusions, so those are things to avoid as well as the lying thing.

Heroine 6: Wi Mary
Wi Mary is honest, playful, works hard, and doesn't put up with bullshit. She knows what money is worth but refuses to be bought. She is determined to be her own woman. She is really intelligent. One of the few intelligent Korean heroines. She doesn't drink often, as she is prone to blacking out. She's not very assertive unless you really bug her.

I Feel Lost

Lost: adjective

1. No longer possessed or retained: lost friends.

2. no longer to be found: lost articles.

3. having gone astray or missed the way; bewildered as to place, direction, etc.: lost children.

4. not used to good purpose, as opportunities, time, or labor; wasted: a lost advantage.

5. being something that someone has failed to win: a lost prize.

 

I used to think I'd get married. I never really thought about the who or when or where. I just supposed that one day I'd be married to somebody I love that also loves me and even though it'd be a lot of work, we'd be happy. I'm 24. I have witnessed 11 couples commit to each other, through marriage or an engagement. It makes me feel left out. It's not just the wedding thing, 6 of those couples didn't have a wedding, and only two had a "big" wedding. If I wanted a flwery party and a white dress, I'd just BUY it. But, I want to share my life with someone. When I broach the subject with my significant other of 2 years (true, we went through a few breaks) he panics and asks me why I want him to die.

 

That should be a red flag. Maybe I'm too absorbed to realize he's too immature. I feel Lost. I have lost my way and am bewildered. My time has not been used to good purpose. I could be married twice over if I didn't childishly insist it's to someone I love. I don't joke on that. I was pursued by a great guy with a good job, his own house, and the will to bring me the moon if I asked for it.

 

After that, I became the muse to a good old-fashioned country boy, who was eager to hold onto me and save me for himself. Although his family was broken, he had a good heart, and at least would have tried to make me happy.

 

No, I fall in love with a man who is really a child, nursing old wounds from his parents' divorce and holding on to his teenage angst like a pitbull to a steak. Most likely, he will need one more year to realize he needs to straighten up and get his act together. Then a year after that to get his act together, then a year to see if the 'new' him and the 'old' me still match up, then, maybe maybe he'd think about the remote possibility of getting married.

 

I'm flirting with the idea of being engaged to myself. After all, I entertain myself best. I'm a great date and know exactly what I want to hear. It'll help me hold my other dates to a higher standard and prevent feeling lost. Even if I never find someone wonderful enough to break up with myself for, Me and I can be happy together.

 

 

 

 

Something is soooo wrong with me.

So after a while I put up a dating profile, just to test the waters. A few nibbles, a lot of gars and minnows. No marlins. One guy seemed okay but he confided he had a mental illness that I'm not mature enough to handle in a relationship. Now another other guy is attractive and interesting but there's about a 10 year age difference. He's a musician and probably no good. I wish I wasn't attracted to relationships that wont work.

Homeward bound Headache

I move back home in a few days. Its cheaper to live at home while I work and easier to save up money but will it be easier on 'me'? I wasn't on the phone but 4 minutes before my dad and I got into it. I got short with him and he blew up. I didn't add fuel to the fire but I didn't push away any near-fallen brush or sticks either. This is only going to get worse and I'm really afraid that he and I and sometimes my mom will fight all the time.

My dad doesn't understand that even though I have a college degree, it doesn't mean people will automatically hire me. I might have a better chance than a highschooler or student to get a job but it's a circumstancial. I should have just gone home tonight and avoided the entire conversation. He asks when I'd like to move my furniture home but then he add limitations on when he can or can't. He wont take off one day during the week to help me move and thanks to his new and strange religious addiction, he has an issue with moving on Sunday. WTF? Apparently that's "work" not "rest".

I dont want to move home but its so freaking hard to make it on my own. I haven't had to do this on my own, I've always had help. In the long run, I think it has seriously hurt my survival ability . I better just start lookng for work when I get there instead of lulling around. I have a plan to work for Agent Provacateur overseas in about 6 years. It's not so difficult. I need 2 years experience in luxury retail (the mall) and then 2 years managing experience (AP in NY or Miami) then I have to pass a foreign language proficiency test to go overseas and if I work hard and do well I can become a manager or work in the hq in London.

It's just an option. .. . . . .. I've tried okay? I've really tried to figure out what I can do for work that I will enjoy and take me places I want to go. Sometimes I feel like I just wasted 4 years of my life getting a degree that isn't going to help me. I really wish I'd gone into something like Busines or stuck with Fashion Merchandising and not gotten swayed into theatre.

There's really no where great to work in my hometown. It's all pretencious unless you're flipping burgers at the fastfood joint. Waitressing at the steak place wouldn't be so bad...if my hometown wasn't so cheap! Seriously, if you can't afford a tip, you can't afford to eat out. It's really rude! There was a clerical job at a lawyer's office, but it's an hours drive to get there at 9 am. or is it 8? I want to go overseas. I'm tired of being stuck in these little towns. All the Theaters are made of people who consider themselves FAR more talented than they really are. It's the same people in every production.

In any case, I better just go ahead and get a part time thing somewhere just so I'm not around my dad so much. He's poisoned against me. He doesn't see me, he sees a mini-version of my mom, so if I get short with him or irritate him, he takes out all his anger against my mom on me. This is going to be a hellalong summer.

Been a while

It's been a while since I last wrote something out. My boyfriend and I are still going strong. I have graduated and am in the process of moving back to my parents' house. It will be easier to save money if I live with them while I find work. I will miss this place. I have lived here for 4 and a half years. Mostly, I will miss the friends I have made.

Today, I am feeling under the weather. My nose is all stuffy and sniffly and I have a slight cough. My boyfriend left for Africa for his college class Monday morning. I miss him a lot and wish I knew that he is okay. Tanzania has little to zero cell phone coverage. I haven't heard from him since he got on a plane from Dallas.

I worry about him. Please pray that he is well and returns safely. Maybe he will come back changed for the better. He needs this tough experience to help him through his depression over his dad's passing. It will help get him in shape and improve his outlook on life.

Meanwhile, I will also be doing some reflecting on my material possessions and taking up yoga and a better fitness program.

Back to the Korean Dramas

This go around....? Playful Kiss!!

Cute story with the most aggravating characters. Not so smart girl likes super smart, super cute, super talented boy. Boy dislikes girl. Boy's dad and Girl's dad are best friends. So when Ha Ni (the girl)'s house is destroyed in an earthquake, she and her dad move in with Baeuk Seung Jo (the boy) and his folks. Slowly, the boy grows 'accustomed to her face' while his mom adores Ha Ni. All the while, Ha Ni has been just pitifully and pathetically trying to get Seung Jo to like her. (( DUring all this, there is an adorable delinquint who adores Ha Ni. He isn't very smart but he is honest, kind, cute, and chivalrous.))

Bong Joon Gu (adorable delinquint) starts working for Ha Ni's dad at his noodle shop. At college, a super cute super smart girl shows up and Seung Jo seems to be into her...somewhat. She is SO MEAN to Ha Ni. If Ha Ni doesn't start showing some moxie, she'll drop to a Bella-Twilight level for me.

oooooooooh! How I wish she would forget about the cold boy and go for the adoring one. I would.....*glances over* I'm trying to anyway. Sydney flips.... constantly.

Solidarity and Priscilla

So... Tuesday night, I finally have a few work-free, rehearsal-free nights and how do I spend them? Plopped down on the sofa with homework, a glue gun, cat eye glasses, and a dvd from the library. I rented The Adventures of Priscilla; Queen of the Desert from the school library. It's just as good as Netflix, it just requires some walking...at night...in the damp. But a movie about dragqueens is better than the alternative of driving around aimlessly. I thought about going home, like HOME, not just to my little apartment.

It was a very entertaining movie. The banter kept me laughing and quite distracted from my hum-drum and rather disappointing day. Haven't been able to spend much time with the boyfriend. There always seems to be something he has to do or I have to do or something like that. And the time we spend together isn't real time, we just seem to be doing the same thing at the same time - playing WOW or eating or getting ready for bed- it's not exactly quality time. I hardly see him during the day and then at night I get a phone call asking to see me. If it weren't for the fact we hardly get intimate, I sound like I'm falling for a booty call.

He's been going to therapy, which is supposed to help, all it seems to do is make him unbearably solemn and upset and a terrible recluse. I try to get him to go out, be social, but he wont even go to the W (a youth-group club we belong to and used to hang out at, we actually met there for the first time). Of course, when one of his GUY friend's says he feels offended that Sydney doesn't want to go to the W, he says he'll try to go more often. I get so frustrated with him sometimes.
Like today, he went to therapy and refused to go out and canceled the plans we made because he got pulled into that depression again. It's not good for him. or me. I feel so disconnected and shunned when he breaks plans like that. It's hard enough to just get him to MAKE plans. I feel like Jareth from Labyrinth.

"I have turned the world upside down, and I have done it all for you! I am
exhausted from living up to your expectations of me."

It doesn't help that it is my time of the month. I've been extra emotional the past couple of days and cry at the drop of a hat. I cry when plans don't work out or I make Sydney mad or he breaks plans with me. He has all this cliche-bull-shit advice when I complain too. I wish he'd take his own advice. I don't know who's worse here; the hormonal cry-baby or the spoiled recluse.

I don't want Sydney to use his father's death as a crutch. I'm terrified of that because it happened to my godfather who never got his life back on track after that. Both of them have so much potential for success...or failure depending on how they handle things.

I myself, had a breakdown about the correctness in my major choice, sometimes I don't feel good at it at all and wonder what I'm doing here. I have no idea where I am going after this. When I was 13 and pictured myself at 23, I was married with a house and a devestatingly successful fashion line. We've somehow gotten off the road and ended up at Krispy kreme with an apartment and a boyfriend who is fearful of settling down 'so young'.

It's not all bad. I befriended a black and white stray who lives near the school. I can visit him and share my left overs and pet him. He's a bit boney. I'd love to take him home to Mother and put fluffy feet back in my home house.