Korean Heroine

I'm going to strive to be more like the heroines in my Korean dramas. They are strong, passionate, and work hard to make their own way. The men just happen to fall in their lap.

Heroine 1:

 

Jang Man Ok a.k.a. Michelle Jang

She's a martial arts master and a fashionista! True, she is naive and her hair is a wild mess! But she is determined and tough and a good, caring person. She's not very good at choosing friends but she is understanding and never jumps to conclusions.

 

 

Heroine 2:

Geum Jan Di! She's a fiesty swimmer managing to hold her own in an elite private school, despite her own poverty and bad luck. She's got a good heart and a deep sense of justice. While her pride can put her in tough spots, she is none the less a role model. (plus she never diets and is a glutton).

 

Heroine 3: Go Min Nam a.k.a. Go Mi Nyu
She is the epitome of a useless heroine; clueless, clumsy, with no fighting ability. But she's smart, classy, and trust-worthy. She can seem helpless at times but her spiritual strength is amazing and her ability to love is boundless.

Heroine 4: Hwang Ji-ahn
For a headstrong designer in her mid-thirties, she has spunk! She handles an unplanned pregnancy and an unlikely romance with the baby's father better than anyone! Her career is harsh but she is unyielding. However, just before giving birth, she puts her child's needs above her own, and, having completed her own ambitious goals, settles in to a calm life with the baby's father. She's tough as nails but gorgeous and feminine. Definitely traits to have!

Heroine 5: Gong Ah-Jung.
Okay, maybe "fantastic liar" isn't a trait I should copy. But I give her props, she decided not to really get married until she was ready. She also works hard, and looks great doing it! She can be selfish and ridiclous sometimes and easily jumps to conclusions, so those are things to avoid as well as the lying thing.

Heroine 6: Wi Mary
Wi Mary is honest, playful, works hard, and doesn't put up with bullshit. She knows what money is worth but refuses to be bought. She is determined to be her own woman. She is really intelligent. One of the few intelligent Korean heroines. She doesn't drink often, as she is prone to blacking out. She's not very assertive unless you really bug her.

I Feel Lost

Lost: adjective

1. No longer possessed or retained: lost friends.

2. no longer to be found: lost articles.

3. having gone astray or missed the way; bewildered as to place, direction, etc.: lost children.

4. not used to good purpose, as opportunities, time, or labor; wasted: a lost advantage.

5. being something that someone has failed to win: a lost prize.

 

I used to think I'd get married. I never really thought about the who or when or where. I just supposed that one day I'd be married to somebody I love that also loves me and even though it'd be a lot of work, we'd be happy. I'm 24. I have witnessed 11 couples commit to each other, through marriage or an engagement. It makes me feel left out. It's not just the wedding thing, 6 of those couples didn't have a wedding, and only two had a "big" wedding. If I wanted a flwery party and a white dress, I'd just BUY it. But, I want to share my life with someone. When I broach the subject with my significant other of 2 years (true, we went through a few breaks) he panics and asks me why I want him to die.

 

That should be a red flag. Maybe I'm too absorbed to realize he's too immature. I feel Lost. I have lost my way and am bewildered. My time has not been used to good purpose. I could be married twice over if I didn't childishly insist it's to someone I love. I don't joke on that. I was pursued by a great guy with a good job, his own house, and the will to bring me the moon if I asked for it.

 

After that, I became the muse to a good old-fashioned country boy, who was eager to hold onto me and save me for himself. Although his family was broken, he had a good heart, and at least would have tried to make me happy.

 

No, I fall in love with a man who is really a child, nursing old wounds from his parents' divorce and holding on to his teenage angst like a pitbull to a steak. Most likely, he will need one more year to realize he needs to straighten up and get his act together. Then a year after that to get his act together, then a year to see if the 'new' him and the 'old' me still match up, then, maybe maybe he'd think about the remote possibility of getting married.

 

I'm flirting with the idea of being engaged to myself. After all, I entertain myself best. I'm a great date and know exactly what I want to hear. It'll help me hold my other dates to a higher standard and prevent feeling lost. Even if I never find someone wonderful enough to break up with myself for, Me and I can be happy together.

 

 

 

 

Something is soooo wrong with me.

So after a while I put up a dating profile, just to test the waters. A few nibbles, a lot of gars and minnows. No marlins. One guy seemed okay but he confided he had a mental illness that I'm not mature enough to handle in a relationship. Now another other guy is attractive and interesting but there's about a 10 year age difference. He's a musician and probably no good. I wish I wasn't attracted to relationships that wont work.

Homeward bound Headache

I move back home in a few days. Its cheaper to live at home while I work and easier to save up money but will it be easier on 'me'? I wasn't on the phone but 4 minutes before my dad and I got into it. I got short with him and he blew up. I didn't add fuel to the fire but I didn't push away any near-fallen brush or sticks either. This is only going to get worse and I'm really afraid that he and I and sometimes my mom will fight all the time.

My dad doesn't understand that even though I have a college degree, it doesn't mean people will automatically hire me. I might have a better chance than a highschooler or student to get a job but it's a circumstancial. I should have just gone home tonight and avoided the entire conversation. He asks when I'd like to move my furniture home but then he add limitations on when he can or can't. He wont take off one day during the week to help me move and thanks to his new and strange religious addiction, he has an issue with moving on Sunday. WTF? Apparently that's "work" not "rest".

I dont want to move home but its so freaking hard to make it on my own. I haven't had to do this on my own, I've always had help. In the long run, I think it has seriously hurt my survival ability . I better just start lookng for work when I get there instead of lulling around. I have a plan to work for Agent Provacateur overseas in about 6 years. It's not so difficult. I need 2 years experience in luxury retail (the mall) and then 2 years managing experience (AP in NY or Miami) then I have to pass a foreign language proficiency test to go overseas and if I work hard and do well I can become a manager or work in the hq in London.

It's just an option. .. . . . .. I've tried okay? I've really tried to figure out what I can do for work that I will enjoy and take me places I want to go. Sometimes I feel like I just wasted 4 years of my life getting a degree that isn't going to help me. I really wish I'd gone into something like Busines or stuck with Fashion Merchandising and not gotten swayed into theatre.

There's really no where great to work in my hometown. It's all pretencious unless you're flipping burgers at the fastfood joint. Waitressing at the steak place wouldn't be so bad...if my hometown wasn't so cheap! Seriously, if you can't afford a tip, you can't afford to eat out. It's really rude! There was a clerical job at a lawyer's office, but it's an hours drive to get there at 9 am. or is it 8? I want to go overseas. I'm tired of being stuck in these little towns. All the Theaters are made of people who consider themselves FAR more talented than they really are. It's the same people in every production.

In any case, I better just go ahead and get a part time thing somewhere just so I'm not around my dad so much. He's poisoned against me. He doesn't see me, he sees a mini-version of my mom, so if I get short with him or irritate him, he takes out all his anger against my mom on me. This is going to be a hellalong summer.

Been a while

It's been a while since I last wrote something out. My boyfriend and I are still going strong. I have graduated and am in the process of moving back to my parents' house. It will be easier to save money if I live with them while I find work. I will miss this place. I have lived here for 4 and a half years. Mostly, I will miss the friends I have made.

Today, I am feeling under the weather. My nose is all stuffy and sniffly and I have a slight cough. My boyfriend left for Africa for his college class Monday morning. I miss him a lot and wish I knew that he is okay. Tanzania has little to zero cell phone coverage. I haven't heard from him since he got on a plane from Dallas.

I worry about him. Please pray that he is well and returns safely. Maybe he will come back changed for the better. He needs this tough experience to help him through his depression over his dad's passing. It will help get him in shape and improve his outlook on life.

Meanwhile, I will also be doing some reflecting on my material possessions and taking up yoga and a better fitness program.

Back to the Korean Dramas

This go around....? Playful Kiss!!

Cute story with the most aggravating characters. Not so smart girl likes super smart, super cute, super talented boy. Boy dislikes girl. Boy's dad and Girl's dad are best friends. So when Ha Ni (the girl)'s house is destroyed in an earthquake, she and her dad move in with Baeuk Seung Jo (the boy) and his folks. Slowly, the boy grows 'accustomed to her face' while his mom adores Ha Ni. All the while, Ha Ni has been just pitifully and pathetically trying to get Seung Jo to like her. (( DUring all this, there is an adorable delinquint who adores Ha Ni. He isn't very smart but he is honest, kind, cute, and chivalrous.))

Bong Joon Gu (adorable delinquint) starts working for Ha Ni's dad at his noodle shop. At college, a super cute super smart girl shows up and Seung Jo seems to be into her...somewhat. She is SO MEAN to Ha Ni. If Ha Ni doesn't start showing some moxie, she'll drop to a Bella-Twilight level for me.

oooooooooh! How I wish she would forget about the cold boy and go for the adoring one. I would.....*glances over* I'm trying to anyway. Sydney flips.... constantly.

Solidarity and Priscilla

So... Tuesday night, I finally have a few work-free, rehearsal-free nights and how do I spend them? Plopped down on the sofa with homework, a glue gun, cat eye glasses, and a dvd from the library. I rented The Adventures of Priscilla; Queen of the Desert from the school library. It's just as good as Netflix, it just requires some walking...at night...in the damp. But a movie about dragqueens is better than the alternative of driving around aimlessly. I thought about going home, like HOME, not just to my little apartment.

It was a very entertaining movie. The banter kept me laughing and quite distracted from my hum-drum and rather disappointing day. Haven't been able to spend much time with the boyfriend. There always seems to be something he has to do or I have to do or something like that. And the time we spend together isn't real time, we just seem to be doing the same thing at the same time - playing WOW or eating or getting ready for bed- it's not exactly quality time. I hardly see him during the day and then at night I get a phone call asking to see me. If it weren't for the fact we hardly get intimate, I sound like I'm falling for a booty call.

He's been going to therapy, which is supposed to help, all it seems to do is make him unbearably solemn and upset and a terrible recluse. I try to get him to go out, be social, but he wont even go to the W (a youth-group club we belong to and used to hang out at, we actually met there for the first time). Of course, when one of his GUY friend's says he feels offended that Sydney doesn't want to go to the W, he says he'll try to go more often. I get so frustrated with him sometimes.
Like today, he went to therapy and refused to go out and canceled the plans we made because he got pulled into that depression again. It's not good for him. or me. I feel so disconnected and shunned when he breaks plans like that. It's hard enough to just get him to MAKE plans. I feel like Jareth from Labyrinth.

"I have turned the world upside down, and I have done it all for you! I am
exhausted from living up to your expectations of me."

It doesn't help that it is my time of the month. I've been extra emotional the past couple of days and cry at the drop of a hat. I cry when plans don't work out or I make Sydney mad or he breaks plans with me. He has all this cliche-bull-shit advice when I complain too. I wish he'd take his own advice. I don't know who's worse here; the hormonal cry-baby or the spoiled recluse.

I don't want Sydney to use his father's death as a crutch. I'm terrified of that because it happened to my godfather who never got his life back on track after that. Both of them have so much potential for success...or failure depending on how they handle things.

I myself, had a breakdown about the correctness in my major choice, sometimes I don't feel good at it at all and wonder what I'm doing here. I have no idea where I am going after this. When I was 13 and pictured myself at 23, I was married with a house and a devestatingly successful fashion line. We've somehow gotten off the road and ended up at Krispy kreme with an apartment and a boyfriend who is fearful of settling down 'so young'.

It's not all bad. I befriended a black and white stray who lives near the school. I can visit him and share my left overs and pet him. He's a bit boney. I'd love to take him home to Mother and put fluffy feet back in my home house.

No Escape

I thought after highschool I'd never get trapped again. I'd never be tied down to a place. Enter College. Thanks. I'm probably stir crazy because this is my last year. My last year to get everything as close to right as it can be. The boyfriend wont be graduating, he's two years behind me, if not three. His own doing, I assure you. What happens to us after this? What if I go somewhere far away where he can't follow? Or shouldn't follow? We part ways...just like that. Unless I get knocked up, and that'll ruin everything.

I have too many people saying I should break it off with him. I don't know what's stopping me, other than, I still love him. I want to try to make it work with him, even though we are so different. Really different. Like Democratic 80s punk wanna be and Republican flower child different. Eventually, we want the same things but we want them at different times.

I feel like I should be getting engaged or making moves best for my career. And since he's too young to get engaged, Making moves for my career are starting to include spending less time with him as a side-affect. So hungry. I better go eat before I get sick. The smell of all the sweet stuff at work is actually making me puke.

Palm Springs

Current boyfriend has returned. Life returns to normal. We had a few shaky moments his first day back but that only kicked us into the auto-drive. We spent a wonderful day with food, friends, and a funny movie. Few know how happy I was to wake up this morning with a handsome, irritating man asleep in my bed. I love him so much. I really do. I know he has his bad points but time can change him. And I think he wants to change himself. He's decided to get more involved in his fraternity. This fall I think he will get a job and his liscense and get his car and start getting his act together.

I can't just quit the relationship because he's been gone or because there are some things about him that drive me crazy. Not yet anyway. He wants to take me to Palm Springs for my birthday ^^. SQUEEE!

I'll have to talk it out with my family though.

So Bored, I could Drop Dead.

Really, no, I think I could if I thought about it hard enough. Seems all I do is go to work, come home, do some chores, surf the web, go to bed, and then get up and do it all over again. I finally had two friends over last night for some lemonade and Apples to Apples (although, it's much more entertaining with more than 3 people...)

We had a really great time, then they left to go on their date, and I just felt really empty. I had gone out of my way to make plans for today to drive out 20 minutes and bbq and swim, when my host txts me some lame excuse, that even if it was true, I'd rather he tell me a lie. So I try to download some online games, thinking 'hey, here's a way to kill time' but the my processor is too slow for most of them....sad day. My mom called, yacked my ear off for 45 minutes before I nearly had a breakdown to get her off the phone. She's coming over tomorrow to bring me my cookbook and some other things, but still, I feel pretty pathetic.

The highlight of my weekend was supposed to be bbq-ing and swimming with a half-naked Aussie.....now it's having my mom stay the night. What a life right? I'm trying to stay positive but if things don't start looking up soon, I may just opt for anti-depression medication. I can't even have a kitten or something in my apartment to break the consistent void of all/any company.

I wonder what wacky things I need to tell my doc to get her to write a prescription for happy drugs?

In a dark, dark house..

It really makes me wonder about life when situations 180 themselves. I did things with friends everyday, I got a phone call from my boyfriend everyday, I lived in a dorm full of fun people, and while I had down-time, I was never alone.

A month later, I am alone. Most friends have moved away for the summer, I have an apartment with withdrawn neighbors, my boyfriend is across the country due to a family crisis and does not have time to call me (the time difference is complicated too), and my co-workers are almost unbearable.

I comfort myself with Korean dramas about life and small sewing projects, but it doesn't fill any kind of void. It does, only slightly. I'm sometimes jealous of the leading girl, a hard-working but badly-mannered girl who looks out for the weak but has a terrible time expressing her feelings.

She is being courted, not by one, but three gorgeous men who have money-making potential and success. They have personality flaws like anyone else- withdrawn, bossy, jealous, vain, quiet but they are all very caring. In the end, one man is able to earn her love in return but obstacles stand in the way; friends, rivals, gossip, parents, etc. I'm not finished with it and have many episodes to go but I hope their love is strong enough to keep them together in the end.

I think back to guys I have dated, or could date, and they all posses qualities I wish I could find in one guy. Of course, relationships would be easy if we could pick and choose the characteristics of our mates. However, if you put yourself out there and look, maybe someone wonderful will come along.

A Night in the Dark

From Wednesday on, this has been a bad week for weather. Wednesday morning, the tornado alarms went off. My resident advisers rounded up us dorm occupants at 4 o'clock and led us to take refuge in the second floor hallway. Our dorm has a walk-out first floor with a long glass wall, smart eh?

The half of the hall occupied by us girls was composed of either grumbling medusas in facial masks or terror-stricken damsels in distress. On the guys' side, although all was quite dark, some voices chimed out "Kum ba yah" and songs in the same genre. At 6:30 am we were allowed to return to our beds. When I reached my room, it took me a moment to realize the blue glow in my room came from the rising sun.

Classes were canceled ONLY because the campus had no power and I spent most of the day tucked away in a friend's basement, while the clouds waged war outside. I had little to no cell phone coverage and having nearly all my relatives call to check on me was not making my day any easier.

Later on, about 5 or 6 pm, the storm looked clear enough and I called my relatives to get a head count. I was very thankful no one was harmed. At least a dozen tornadoes have torn through the south, killing 128 persons and injuring many more.

Entire cities were wiped off the map, leaving so many people with little more than the clothes on their back. I dropped to my knees to thank God I was unscathed, and that my family and friends had survived the night.

I even got calls from people I hadn't seen since high school. It was sad, kind of, to think it took a vicious night of tornadoes to bring someone who used to be a close friend back into my life, however brief a moment.

In Madison, there will be no power for a week. The city has instituted a dawn to dusk curfew. My family has escaped to Athens to stay with relatives. Gas prices are likely to sky rocket, using this storm as an excuse.

My thoughts and prayers are with those who have lost.

As a part of the effort to bring aid and relief to Japan via the Red Cross. A Japanese-based student organization at my university made these t-shirts to raise awareness and funds. It was only $5 and is very light and airy, perfect for the warm weather descending upon us. I also got a small origami crane. I attached it to a hairpin and wore it around.

I would post a picture of the crane in my hair but right now my hair looks like a whirl-wind-mess I don't wish to share with you.

Ah, and a bit of a continuation from my previous post : there's no ring and no date. My assumption? His mother is a die-hard christian and couldn't stand the thought of him and his girlfriend under the same roof without some kind of commitment. And I'm with her. I'm not going to move in with someone I'm not dedicated to, I don't wanna be stuck with 100% of the rent or worse, kicked out, because we ended the relationship. But on the other hand - one should NEVER marry someone out of opportunity or convenience. If people did that, i could have been married 3 or 4 times over. If you marry out of love, you marry that person BECAUSE of their habits, not in spite of.

Planning a Picnic

Spring is near and I'm ever soooooo glad! I'm planning a beautiful spring picnic for me and some close friends. I'm going to need a few things first; blanket, basket, and I figured everyone could pack a lunch. Of course with my wisdom teeth taken out puts a damper on the white bread sandwiches but not the tea! But I have these beautiful daffodils from my mother's garden to make me feel better.

Such the smallest thing can cheer me up, like a box of tissues decorated with cartoon cats or an episode of The Big Bang Theory. Sarah was sweet enough to think of me in my time of pain! I saw her at Tourway Pancake House last night and she brought me this cute Bestey Johnson clutch! It's pink with black lace pattern and little lightening bolt zippers. I content myself by thinking of all the weight I'll lose with a post-extraction diet. Yay!

Of course my mother will have my head on a plate if I don't eat well. And I don't mean to starve myself but I cant help it! My medication leaves me with little incentive to eat and the thought of having any morsel of food stuck in my socket and left to rot terrifies me. I just have to time my meals at the dorm so I have all the time I need to clean my teeth.

Something Blue, Someone Blue

I thought this was one of the prettiest dresses I had ever seen! Why are all wedding dresses white? They used to just be really elegant and colorful! So I thought, why not? Why not have a blue dress? Or pink? I could do this except in pink! It'd be so beautiful, especially if I had a delicate bouquet of something white. Hydrangea would be beautiful.

I'm reaching the time in my college life where I realize I am losing my close female friends, one is moving away with her fiance, one is graduating, and the others already separated from me and settled in with other people. At least now the play is over, I'll have a little more time to try to spend some time with other female friends. Sometimes, I feel so abandoned. I will try to make stronger ties, I will try.

First I suppose I have to make a list of friends and interests we have in common and then make an effort everyday to be a better friend to them.

modlash starter kit

Picked this little item up at Walgreens. I was hesitant at first but I chickened out on dying my hair pink and since I was taking a break from fake nails, I thought I'd give them a try. They look FANTASTIC! I'm so excited.

I used to be so jealous of some of my classmates who have these big THICK lashes. Of course they wear a ton of eye make up and foundation. Speaking of which I'm also protesting foundation. It's just a circle of torment. You put it on to cover your spots, the hell potion clogs your pores, causing you to break out more, so you plop on MORE of the stuff, which breaks you out MORE.

So I'm just going to skip it altogether. Let's go naked faced! Well, half-naked. I have mascara, the modlashes, and lip balm.

2011

It's the same thing every year. Someone says, "For my New Year's resolution, I-" and that's where I stop listening. Not because I don't care, but because I know they aren't going to keep it up, not for the rest of the year. Oh for a good deal of January, they stick to whatever ridiculous rule they've made but as the year drags on, old habits take over, and you return to your way of life.

I don't mean to convey that ALL resolutions fade like jeans in the dryer. Some resolutions, like giving up drinking or smoking or a bad habit like that sticks but - ONLY IF YOU REALLY MEAN IT. And not just by saying 'and this time, I mean it' but by taking steps to insure you keep it.

Take my list for example, just a few simple new resolutions:

1 - start a blog and update it at least 3 times a month. (simple)

2 - par down my belongings to just what I can't live without. (just as simple)

3 - get my own apartment. (some difficulty)

4 - get a local job to pay for said apartment. (just as difficult in my college town)

5 - be able to pay for at least my own phone bill. (easier said than done.)

See? Nothing too outrageous or beyond my skills. What will probably help is putting a due date on things. I should par down in stages (clothes, books, knick-knacks) that last one will definitely kick my ass. I should have things parred down by the time I get an apartment.

Speaking of, I should put a deposit down by the end of may, the dorms close and I'll need a place for the summer. The job should probably take precedence over apartment. "My school is my job, blah, blah, blah, excuses" It's time to grow up. I don't think picking up a few hours at a local business to earn some savings will kill me. I just... have to become much better at scheduling and time management...ugh. Maybe I should have put THOSE on my resolution list, but how do you put a time-limit on non-concrete goals like that?